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I’m Over Climbing The Career Ladder: Why Some Women Are Losing Career Motivation After 30

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losing career motivation after 30

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Every once in a while I witness a think piece float by in my timeline that I totally relate to and that confirms that no matter how awkward and flawed I’m feeling at any given time in my life, I’m exactly on the right track. Lisa Miller’s The Cut piece, The Ambition Collision, was so good I had to share it with all my friends. It resonates with conversations we’ve had for the past few years over wine and popcorn about why we all feel so damn defeated and stagnant in our careers. Where’s the motivation we had years ago when we were hype about teaching after-school programs and picking workshops to attend in healthy sexuality conferences? Miller says the women of my generation traded in their dreams of Prince Charming and 2.5 kids for the boardrooms and briefcases but are still disappointed:

“Grief-stricken, they are baffled too, for they have always been propelled by their drive. They were the ones who were supposed to run stuff — who as girls imagined themselves leaving the airport in stylish trench coats, hailing a taxi with one hand while holding their cell in the other.”

“When a woman delays children and partnership into her 30s to earn money and establish independence and then sees how her paths are blocked, it is perhaps no wonder that something like anguish is the result.”

So what the hell happened? Where are our trench coats with copies of the New York Times tucked underneath the arms? Why are we staring at cubicles waiting for faxes to go through instead of running ish from corner offices? I’ve been running from feelings of defeat for a long time now. Most days I wake up already exhausted before I even begin the commute downtown to my entry-level position at a public health nonprofit. My day usually starts around 7 am after I hit the snooze button one or two times. Admittedly, on any given night I’ve probably only gotten about 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep since my toddler thinks 2 AM is prime time to imitate the Tom and Jerry cartoon that entertains her throughout the night and do belly flops on the bed inches from my eyelids. In between conference calls, bedtime routines and mustering the energy to do the bare minimum most days, there are few moments lately where I get to enjoy my own company. Lately I’ve found myself milking the moments where I don’t have to show up and do something and be something to someone. “I just want a day where I’m not obligated to be anywhere,” has been my mantra lately. And when it comes to my list of things to do, lately it seems that my career is one of the first things I’ve been the quickest not to care about.

The professional I am today is a shadow of the bright-eyed college grad who thought she could change the world one health fair condom demo at a time. After six years of working consistently in nonprofits serving youth, usually juggling several positions at a time including freelance writing, my career goals culminated in a layoff at age 31 shortly after I had gotten married and had my first child. It took me a long time to be honest about how bitter and jaded I was at the idea of having to literally start all over. The situation made me take a long distrustful look at how many non-profits function with professionals facing retirement age sitting at the top with a choke hold on positions that they had grown weary of but without retirement saving or pensions, being forced to stay in so they can afford their mortgage.

What was even more troubling to me was that many of these high paying positions weren’t earned on the merit of hard work and dedication to the mission, but a system of seniority and grandfathering for people who refused to take chances or look at the work they’d been doing for years and felt they had perfected through a new lens, even if those old ways no longer made sense for the people served in present times. In addition to being laid off and facing the cold reality that I was a replaceable direct service worker, becoming a mother made me restrict my energy and enthusiasm to things and people that mattered the most me, and who were there for me regardless of my paycheck or position.

Lastly, I made a silent vow to never be that defined my career again. I began to look at positions I applied for with as much discard as I felt my precious employer displayed; to this day I haven’t set up my cubicle for comfort.  There are no pictures of friends or family that would in any way symbolize that I look at my present position as anything I am personally tied to. My feeling is that if the President walked in tomorrow and announced the whole operation was shutting down, I could promptly pack up, go home and be hours deep in Queen Sugar episodes by rush hour with no worries as I apply for unemployment.

But was it only a lay off that that almost erased my enthusiasm for climbing the career ladder or do my feelings go a little deeper? Miller thinks it may be because all today’s women did was trade one unrealistic fantasy in for another:

“Now another bulls**t promise has taken its place, and another generation is waking up. The men in charge are still in charge. It is impossible for women to continue to have faith in a vision of their own empowerment, when that empowerment is, in fact, a pose.”

It’s something I realize is true as female managers of color are reported to HR for exercising some authority to run great programs even if it means not being the friendliest with their staff, while males in the same position are praised for completing basic tasks like correctly booking a conference room for a meeting.

Miller goes on to say that although women have been making plenty of power moves in a variety of fields, the numbers don’t lie and according to 2015 New York Times article there are fewer large companies run by women than by men named John. When it comes to work dissatisfaction, Miller shares sexism is still to blame:

“Women enter workplaces filled with ambition and optimism and then, by 30 or so, become wise to the ways in which they are stuck. According to a 2015 study of female millennials by PriceWaterhouseCoopers, women’s awakening to workplace sexism is a slow, inexorable evolution. As they age, their dissatisfactions increase so that by the time they’re 30 or 34, two-thirds say their employer doesn’t do enough to promote and encourage diverse hiring; more than a third say they don’t have female role models; and just 39 percent say they believe they can rise to the top of the organization they’re in (down from 49 percent of younger millennial women).”

“In general, young millennial men feel more bought into work than young women — more supported and more contented at their jobs, according to data provided by the Families and Work Institute, even though the young women are likelier to report that they put their jobs first, over family.”

The fact is that the Oprah’s, Ava Duvernay’s and Mona Scott Young’s of the world are a rarity and black women are feeling it and growing frustrated. If you’re an Insecure fan you may have seen the character Molly receive a literal slap in the face as she realized that at her law firm it didn’t matter how talented or well-spoken she was, she would always receive an award for her achievements while her mediocre white male counterparts got a raise. When it comes to career commitment, many women are losing their motivation as they face career fields were those in power are comforted by tradition and threatened by any factor that doesn’t resemble it. Does it mean we should all give up on “sticking it to the man” and fighting for equality?  No, but it does mean we should stop beating ourselves up over practices that have been in place for a long time and don’t deplete ourselves while fighting for change. There are many practices in the work world that are way bigger than us and they won’t be changed overnight.

So have I given up on ever feeling happy or unfulfilled at 9-5 nonprofit again? No, but I have realized career success doesn’t have to look like a trench coat and a packed Outlook calendar. Success can also be writing think-pieces in my pajamas and rocking “woke” t-shirts instead of trench coat as my work uniform. Miller says it’s also about balance and recognizing just because your professional dreams may meet some setbacks, doesn’t mean your whole life has to:

“Instead, this is about a shift in perspective — an appreciation for imperfect circumstances and unmet yearnings as facts of life, and a willingness to seek gratifications and inspirations outside the boundaries of a job.”

There will be times in life where the only energy you have as a professional is to do the bare minimum as a professional, but that doesn’t mean you should lose the motivation to make the most out of other areas in your life.

Toya Sharee is a Health Resource Specialist who has a  passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.


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